Mutual Feelings
by Jane Doe
Summary: Sequel to Comfortably Numb. Relationships grow stronger as Sara combats her demons. rr
1. Chapter 1

MUTUAL FEELINGS by Jane Doe 

Chapter 1 

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--Grissom sat alone and restless in his 'townhouse'. It was a long week or long month was more like it. Sara was doing better but still wouldn't discuss what happened to anyone. Catherine tried to keep Grissom posted but there was nothing to give updates on. Sara was too stubborn and private to talk about her feelings, that's the way she liked it. 

--Sara didn't withdraw or become depressed she only went back to normal. She slept only a few hours a night then got up to read. She ate very little. Work was challenging and kept her busy. She still came in early and left late. Day after day she put on a smile to reassure her friends she was okay. She was, for now anyway. Life was normal for Sara. But for Grissom that was another story. 

"Good evening Gris. I trust that you slept well." Catherine walked in with a big smile on her face. She knew that he probably didn't sleep at all judging by the dark circles under his eyes. 

"I had a good night's rest, thank you Catherine." Liar. 

"Anything interesting tonight or do we have to entertain ourselves?" 

"We'll see. Has she said anything to you?" 

"Gil its going to take time." 

"Why don't you just be brazen like always. You're good at that." Grissom said with a cocked eyebrow. 

"I know you admire my way with people so trust me when I say, it will take time. You don't just reveal your darkest secret on a whim. Secrets are so powerful that because they make you feel so utterly vulnerable that you try to keep at a distant. Take a page from your own book Grissom. Would you like to be place in a situation like that?" 

"No." 

"Okay then, don't push it." 

--Everyone arrived within the next ten minutes and began their idle chitchat before work started. 

"Okay let's get started. Where's Sara?" Grissom desperately searched the room. He hated losing sight of her. 

"We left her in the locker room. I can go get her." 

"Thanks Nick." 

--In the locker room Sara sat with her hands on her knees and her head down. Nick tapped her shoulder and she nearly jumped three feet. 

"Nick don't do that!" 

"Sorry but Grissom wanted me to come get you, shift has started." 

"What? What time is it?" 

"Four past five." 

--Sara looked at her watch. Damn thing stopped working. It figures. Nick walked Sara into the meeting room. 

"Sorry Grissom, my watch stopped working. Had it forever and now it stops. Sorry." 

"Its okay Sara. If you had it forever then it was overdue for a battery." Grissom smiled. He didn't want to come down too harshly on her. She had been through enough. 

--Sara took her seat next to Catherine and Warrick. 

"All right. Tonight we are all on one case. It is top priority. There was an officer shooting. Brass said that its a mad house down there with the press. We need to collect the evidence fast. They already have a suspect in custody." 

"Which is?" 

"The guy they were chasing." 

"They? How many officers were shot?" 

"Just the one but his partner was with him. That's another thing; he is an eyewitness but I want evidence first. Are we clear?" 

--Grissom got a series of nods from around the table. "Good. Let's go. Sara I want you to ride with me." 

--She looked directly at him. "Why can't I just ride with Warrick?" 

"I want you with me. I will meet you at the car." 

--Before Sara could argue the matter was dismissed. Sara grabbed her stuff and headed for Grissom's Tahoe. Grissom finally came just when Sara was starting to get annoyed. 

"Its about time." 

"Sorry Sara, but I had to get something." Grissom held up a metal case. 

"Well I wanted to get to the scene before it rains." 

--Grissom looked up to the sky. Dark clouds threatened to release their wrath on Las Vegas. Funny but he didn't even notice until she mentioned it. "Well let's go. You drive." 

"Fine." 

"What is that?" Sara asked as she drove. 

"New equipment. I thought you might enjoy seeing it first, that's why I asked you to ride with me." 

"I remember it as a command not a question." She replied. 

"Do you want to know how it works or not?" Grissom didn't mean to sound so mean but it just came out that way. 

"Yeah. First what is it?" 

--Grissom cocked a smile at her response. She was just as curious as he was. "It is a spectrum analysis pictograph. It takes pictures of the crime scene at different wavelengths revealing anything and everything. In a sense it is a giant X-ray of light." 

"Why will it be useful at this scene?" 

"Well like I said the suspect was running. So we have a wide range to investigate. Anything could have happened between the time the chase started to the murder. They could have stopped for coffee for all we know." 

"Cool. Where did you get it?" 

"On loan." 

"From?" 

"Eckley." 

"Does he know you have it?" 

--By the smile on Grissom's face that was a sure sign that Eckley didn't know. At the scene it was crawling with news reporters. Warrick and Catherine were by the body and Nick was taking pictures. 

"I thought you two eloped. What took so long?" Catherine called to them. 

"I had to get something. What do you have so far?" 

"Well David is coming to get the body before the press can do anymore damage. We can better investigate the body there. Other than that not much. Warrick found the gun but no sign of the other bullet." 

"Other bullet?" 

"Yeah. Brass took a statement from the victim's partner. He said there were two shots. One from our victim then one from the suspect." 

"But our suspect wasn't injured and a gun wasn't on him." 

"No so I guess we have a search on our hands." 

"That's why I brought this. You two continue until David arrives. Sara you come with me, we have a bullet to find. Nick join us when you are done." 

"Okay." 

"Okay Sara put these on." He handed her a pair of glasses tinted red. Once ready Grissom turned on the machine and let it do its work. They walked close observing the screen to find anything of interest. Grissom didn't mind the closeness, actually it was welcomed since before she tried so hard to stay away. He loved the intense feeling it gave him. And she always had a nice smell that was almost alluring. Of course when Nick walked up to join them he dismissed his wondering thoughts and concentrated on the task at hand. 

"That is so cool! Let me see." Nick exclaimed in excitement. 

"Here take my glasses. I need some water. Be right back." 

--Grissom could only stare after her. 

"This is so cool Gris where did you get it?" 

"Eckley. Hey Nick, when you found Sara earlier was she okay?" 

"Yeah I thought so. I mean she was just taking a break it looked like to me. Why?" 

"No reason." 

"So Eckley just gave this to you?" 

"No I borrowed it." 

"That's pretty sly Grissom. Pretty sly." 

--Sara went to the car and peeled off her coat. It was so hot even for a day when it was going to rain. Her head started to hurt real bad looking for the bullet. It must have been the heat and the light. She popped two aspirins for the pain when Warrick came up behind her. 

"You okay Sara?" 

"Fine. It just so hot. Its only a headache." 

"Yeah right." He said with little belief. "Did you find anything yet?" 

"No but its a slow process. I better get back or Grissom might send a search team for me." 

--Warrick smiled at her joke. It was true Grissom was keeping her close to him ever since she got hurt. Warrick didn't blame him, he was just being protective. 

"Did you find anything?" They turned and saw Sara without her coat. 

"Are you that hot?" Nick asked. 

"Yes I was dying in that thing. Now did you find anything?" 

"Actually Nick found some blood. But still no bullet or gun and we are almost finished. We might have to run it again." 

"Wait what's that?" Sara pointed and sure enough it was a bullet wedged into the wooden fence. 

"Good eyes Sara. Maybe the heat was just distracting you." Nick ginned. 

--No sooner had they bagged the bullet when it started to rain. It hit like a flood. Everything washed away. Grissom frantically gathered the equipment and Nick put on his hat. Sara on the other hand only looked to the sky in gratitude. It felt so good. The cool rain hit her skin replenishing her thirst for water. She could have stood there forever, but Nick and Grissom pulled her under the eve of one of the buildings. Thunder boomed surrounding them and lightening flashed above. 

"Let's make a run for it!" Nick yelled over the noise. "I'll go first!" 

--Nick ran around the corner until he was out of sight. Grissom stared at Sara who was watching the sky. She stood shivering. Her teeth visibly chattering and goosebumps all over her skin. 

"I love the rain." She spoke so softly he barely heard her over the thunder. Grissom moved close to her and wrapped his arms around her to keep her warm. 

"Take my coat you are going to get sick." Grissom pulled off his coat and put it around her small shoulders. 

"Don't you just love the rain?" 

--Grissom's eyes settled on her lips. They were turning blue. "Your lips are blue. Come here." He pulled her close to his chest and rubbed her back trying to create heat from the friction. For those few minutes, Grissom held Sara without a care in the world. He hoped it rained forever. 

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	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 

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--Once the rain let up they parted and walked to the car. Grissom could still feel the warmth on his clothing where he held Sara. The heat between them was intense. She felt it too. The air when they parted was cold compared to her skin. She was drenched from head to toe and still shaking. Back at the lab, Sara went to the locker room to change and Grissom went to his office to change his shirt. 

--Sara went to get a hot shower to warm up. She didn't understand why all of the sudden she was so cold. The hot water felt good on her skin and the steam was comforting. She dressed quickly and headed for the lab. 

"Sara, the love of my life, I have something for you?" Greg held a paper to his chest. "Did you get a shower?" 

"Why do you ask?" 

"Well your face is red, like you got a hot shower. Are my observations correct?" 

"Yes. Do I look bad?" 

--Greg leaned into her. "You could never look bad." 

"Thanks Greg. So what do ya got?" 

"Results from the blood Nick brought me. They are the partner's. Fishy isn't it? I mean how did his blood get there if he was behind in the car." 

"Where do you get that he was left behind in the car?" 

"Its all over the news and I overheard Grissom and Brass talking." 

"Good work, you are a great detective Greg." 

"Save your admiration for later. There is more. Catherine pulled hair off the vic and its unknown. Not the vic's, partner's, or the suspect's." 

"By chance have you shared any of this with those that actually collected the evidence?" 

"No you have the pleasure of being the first." 

"Careful Greggo I don't feel like getting in trouble today. Find Grissom and Catherine to let them know, then we can talk theories." 

"I had a feeling you would say that. So I am on my way to once again solve the case." 

--Sara just shook her head. On some level she loved that guy. Sara continued to search for Nick and Warrick but instead they found her. 

"Hey Sara we were looking for you. Where have you been?" 

"Around, looking for you. What's with the bullet?" 

"We were headed there right now, care to join us?" 

"Love to." 

"Hello guys, Sara. I have your bullet right here ready to fire. Who wants the honors?" 

"I want a piece of that." Warrick put on the earmuffs and fired into the tank. The sound, though Sara had earmuffs of her own on, made her jump. It was like she could feel it more than hear it. 

"Okay. Lets take a look. Well it doesn't come from any of the officer's weapons, but it matches the bullet taken out of the vic's chest. Looks like you need to find the suspect's gun for comparison." 

--Nick took a look at the bullet under the microscope. "Well thanks. Come on Warrick lets find Gris to fill him in before he interviews the suspect. You coming Sara?" 

--Sara was still leaning into the microscope. "No you go ahead." Turning her attention back to the bullet, she asked, "What's with those markings?" 

"I noticed that too. Strange aren't they. They aren't engraved in the bullet but composed of it. I think we are looking at a high priced bullet to match a high price gun. Well I got to go; got a meeting. Bye Sara." 

"See ya." Sara continued to view the bullet under several magnifications. Grissom walked past and saw her in there by herself. He stopped and watched her from the doorway. The moment they spent together was not easily forgotten. In fact that was all he could think about. 

"Hey," 

--Sara turned and smiled a hello. 

"Got something?" He asked. 

"Nothing Nick and Warrick haven't already told you." 

"I haven't talked to them yet." 

"Well I am sure they would like the pleasure." 

"Do you feel better?" 

"Much warmer. I hung your coat in the locker room to dry." 

"Are you coming I was going to interview the guy?" 

"Sure." 

--Catherine was in the morgue standing over a middle-aged man in amazing shape. She could see why he was the one that ran after the guy and not his partner, who was slightly overweight. The bullet wound that killed him was one directly in the chest. 

"Well Catherine, not much of a mystery how he died. The bullet hit a main artery and he bled out in seconds." 

"That's one lucky shot. Especially when you are running from him. He might have been waiting for him and ambushed him. Can you tell me the angle from which he was shot?" 

"Directly in front. So sometime or another your man and victim were face to face." 

"Anything else?" 

"Minor bruising and cuts on his knuckles, possibly from a fist fight. That's it, that's all I have for now." 

"Thanks Al. Keep me posted." 

"No problem." 

--Grissom grilled the suspect for fifteen minutes but got nothing. The kid was a punk, in and out of prison for the last three years. Grissom saw his kind before and knew he was lying or someone else was. Sara thought the same thing throughout the entire interrogation. They eventually gave up and decided they needed to find the gun. 

"I want to go find that gun. That's our key." He told Sara. 

--Catherine, Warrick, and Nick walked up to them. "We need to find the suspect's gun." 

"Our thoughts exactly. Shall we." 

--Back at the crime scene they fanned out to find the gun. Each had a flashlight and Grissom worked his new toy. Twice they combed over the scene and got nothing. 

"Let's go back for a third time. Wider search area, he could have thrown it farther than we thought." 

--Sure enough thirty minutes later Warrick shouted that he found the gun. Finally! Grissom was getting annoyed and by stiff the movements of the group so were they. 

"Nice man. I can't wait to go. I'm starved." Nick said. 

"I thought my back was going to snap when I stood up." Catherine looked over to Sara, whose teeth were chattering. "Sara you look froze." 

"I am." She said through clenched teeth. 

"The rain must have got to your bones, Sidle." Nick teased. "That's what you get for playing in the rain." 

"Oh shut up." Sara smiled. "Hey Gris give me the keys I am going to the car." 

"Lets all go. We got what we came for." Grissom called to them. 

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"Sara you have to eat." Nick slid over his french fries. "The fat will keep you warm." 

"Ha ha ha Nick." Sara was curled under a blanket. "I'm not hungry." 

"You have to be." 

"By your standards. You eat every hour." 

"I do not! Come on eat." 

"No my stomach hurts." 

--Catherine glanced over. "Coming down with something Sara?" 

"No just lots of pain." 

"I have something for that you know." 

--It took Sara awhile to figure out what she was hinting at. "No its not that." 

--Grissom walked in with a bowl of Ramen noodles steaming in his hands. 

"Smells good Gris." Nick said getting up to give Grissom a place to sit. 

"No Nick you can't have any and I'll just sit on the couch." 

"Sara's sick." Catherine said to Grissom. 

--Sara could have killed her. Now Grissom would nag her all night. 

"What's wrong?" He asked turning to Sara. 

"Nothing." 

"She said she has pain in her stomach." Nick explained through a mouthful of hamburger. 

"What is this? Its nothing Gris." 

"Well what have you eaten?" 

"I had a Code Red Mountain Dew earlier." 

"Sara you know you're not to drink anything with carbonization." 

--Sara started to get angry. "Grissom I wanted a pop so I had a pop. What's the big deal?" 

"I have known for sometime now that you have an ulcer Sara, and you shouldn't be drinking pop!" 

--Everyone's eyes dropped to the floor or stared at some distant point out of the room. This little thing erupted into a full blown fight. "Grissom I'm not a child! I can make my own decisions. I wanted a pop so I had a pop!" She yelled again. 

"Then you have to eat something." Grissom offered his soup. 

"No." 

"Eat Sara." 

"No." 

"Now you deserve to be treated like a child. Eat or go home." 

"What? Grissom you can't be serious. You would send me home because I won't eat lunch?" 

"I haven't seen you eat anything all week. I want to see you eat or I will send you home." Grissom didn't budge on his decision. 

"Fine!" She threw the blanket on the floor and took Nick's fries. The instant potato flavor was disgusting. Sara thought for a moment she would throw up. The pain in her stomach only got worse. She could eat only a few before she pushed away the plate. 

"There are you happy?" 

"No." 

"I can't eat anymore Grissom, you'll just have to deal with it." 

--The silence was deafening. They just stared at one another. Catherine tried to lighten the mood. 

"So Gil, how is your pet spider doing?" As if she cared less. 

"Come on Sara," Warrick took her under the arm and lead her out of the room. Grissom just watched her go. 

"Hello earth to Grissom. I asked you a question." 

"They are fine Catherine. In fact I think I should feed them." Grissom got up and left. 

"Damn what the hell was that about? Since when has Sara had an ulcer?" 

--Catherine shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know Nick. That's my answer to both questions." 

--Outside Sara was wrapped up in Warrick's coat. They sat on one of the benches just staring into the night. "You know he is only trying to take care of you." 

"I don't need another parent Warrick." 

"What do you need?" 

--Sara stared at him then shifted her gaze back to the darkness. 

"Sara he cares about you. He just has a weird way of showing it that's all." 

"Like I said I don't need another parent. He treats me like glass ever since..." Her voice trailed off. 

"You know he hated to see you in such pain. Hell he wouldn't eat himself. I think Catherine had to cook him dinner so he would eat. He was that worried. You shouldn't be so hard on him." Warrick touched her cheek. "Or yourself." 

--A smile pulled at her lips. 

"Hey there it is. I thought that frown was permanent. Lets go inside before you catch pneumonia. How does your stomach feel?" 

"Still hurts, but of course Grissom is right. All I need is food. I hate it when he is right." 

"Well I won't tell, if you won't. I get you some food without his knowledge. deal?" Warrick put a loving arm around Sara. 

"Deal." And he walked her inside. 

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Tbc... 


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Notes: Sorry about the update, I know its pretty late but I have lost interest in the story. My heart just isn't in it anymore. Anyway I'll finish what I started for those of you that care, but if its updated every month its because I have major writer's block. If you have some ideas feel free to send a few my way and even if you don't; write a review. Thanks! 

Chapter 3 

When Warrick and Sara came back in from outside no one was in the lounge where they left them. 

"Where is everybody?" Warrick asked. 

"Dunno." Sara lagged behind Warrick as he scanned the hallway. 

Warrick caught site of Grissom down the hall headed for his office. "Yo Gris where did everyone go?" 

He stopped and turned. "Well I sent Catherine and Nick to go over the officer's records to find anything usual. Right now that's the only thing we can do until Al gets to the body." 

"Where do you want us?" 

"Nowhere right now." 

"Well in that case I am going to go home and grab a shower. Page me if you need something." 

"Okay. Get back here as soon as you can though. The sheriff already has me in hot water." 

"Right. I'm gone." 

Warrick left Sara just standing in the hallway. Even though they were at least fifteen feet away, there was an uncomfortable air between them. Neither one was ready to apologize. 

"I'll go over the pictures from the crime scene." Sara said trying to break the tension. 

"Good idea. Find me if there's anything interesting." His voice was flat but not harsh. But he really wanted to say more like, 'Sara I am sorry for treating you like a child but I was only trying to help' but the words never formed on his lips. 

"Okay." Sara felt like she should apologize but wasn't ready to give Grissom the pleasure. He turned away from her and went into his office. Sara gathered the pictures and began to thumb through them in the lounge where it was quiet. It was so quiet and she was so tired before too long she accidentally feel asleep. 

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"Did you hear that?" Catherine looked up from the records she was reading through. 

"I didn't hear anything." Nick said still examining his own pile of records. "What was it?" 

"It sounded like a scream." 

"Its just your imagination. Have you found anything conclusive?" 

Catherine shook the phantom scream from her head. "Nothing. Absolutely..." 

The scream came again and this time Nick heard it too. "I heard that." 

It came again and again getting higher in frequency. "It sounds like someone is getting murdered." 

Catherine pushed off her stool and ran out of the layout room trying to find the source of the scream. Nick wasn't too far behind. There weren't many people in the lab at this hour but those that were there now stood in the hallway looking towards the lounge. Everyone seemed afraid to move. Catherine rounded the corner into the lounge with Nick nearly running her down as she made an abrupt stop. 

"Damn Cath tell me when you're..." His voice trailed off. 

It was Sara. She was fighting an unseen assailant. Catherine was shocked. Sara was so frantic and had pain all over her face but her eyes were closed. She had claw marks and bruises all over her midsection, some old and some new. The newer ones were bleeding but Sara didn't stop. 

"Jesus. Nick go get Grissom. Now." 

Nick couldn't pull himself away from the sight. 

"Nick! Now!" He jumped at her command and bolted down the hall. Catherine ran over to Sara grasping her hands trying to stop Sara from clawing herself anymore. But Sara fought back with more force. 

"Sara sweetie wake up! Its just a dream! Sara wake up!" She shook her shoulders but again nothing. 

Grissom was down the hall in his office finishing paperwork when Nick ran through the door. 

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" Grissom scolded then he saw Nick's face of panic and fear. "What's wrong?" 

"Sara. She's...there is something wrong." 

Grissom jumped out of his seat so fast the action upset his chair. "Where is she?" 

Nick motioned a hand and jogged down the hallway back to Sara. Grissom was now officially terrified. It had to be bad if Nick was running. Then Grissom heard the screams. 

"Stop! No please! Just stop!" 

That was Sara's voice thought Grissom. His paced turned into a run and before too long he caught up with Nick in the lounge. 

"What's wrong?" Grissom asked moving past Nick to Catherine and Sara. 

"She won't wake up Gil. God look at what she's doing to herself." 

Sara kept clawing away the awful feeling she was having. She fought her attacker off of her but he kept coming back. 

Grissom caught only a glimpse of the bruising and the scratches because of Sara's thrashing. He grabbed Sara's hands and was surprised how strong Sara was. "Sara! Wake up!" 

Her fighting increased and she started to cry. "I'll do anything if you just stop. Please just stop." 

Grissom shook her shoulders harder but it wasn't working and Catherine grabbed his arm. 

"Stop Gil, she has to come out of this on her own. We aren't helping if she thinks we are trying to hurt her." 

"But we're not." Grissom removed his hands. 

"I know but the dream must be intense." Catherine pushed back the hair from Sara's forehead and wiped away the tears away from Sara's face. "Sara wake up honey its all just a dream. Come on Sara wake up." She talked like she was coaxing Lindsay out of bed in the morning for school or through a bad dream. Her tone was calm and gentle. 

Sara started to breathe a little slower and stopped moving. 

"I think its over." Catherine spoke too soon because just when Sara stopped moving she let out a blood curling scream. 

"Noooooooo!" Sara sat straight up and wrapped her arms around Catherine. She gripped Catherine's shirt tightly and began to rock back and forth. "Don't let him get me. Please." 

At first the hug was a shock and Catherine didn't know how to react, but then she eased into it and hugged Sara back. "Shh Sara, no one is going to hurt you. Its just Nick, Grissom, and me. You're safe." 

Sara pushed out of Catherine's embrace looking around the room as if realizing for the first time that she was hugging Catherine and still at work. She started to blush from the embarrassment that she just had one of her nightmares at work. 

"Are you okay Sara?" Nick asked from the doorway. 

It took awhile to find her voice. "Yeah, I'm fine." 

"Those marks suggest otherwise." Grissom began to reach for Sara but she jumped back. 

"Don't!" She paused searching for understanding from Grissom not to touch her. "I mean I'm okay. Really." 

"What happened?" Nick asked. 

"Just a dream. I'm okay Nicky. I promise." She scooted to the edge of the sofa and sat up. The searing pain in her sides made her take in a deep breath involuntarily and everyone took notice. "If you'll excuse me..." She stood up and moved out the door. 

"That wasn't just a dream Gil." Catherine said now looking at her hands. 

Grissom looked after Sara as she left. "I know Catherine. I know. Will you go check on her?" 

"I was just on my way." 

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Tbc... 


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Notes: Well here is the next chapter to my very depressing story. Of course I want reviews if you have any! Suffering severe writer's block over here so give me your take on the situation and any opinions. Thanks! 

Chapter 4 

"Sara?" Catherine parted the bathroom doors just enough to poke her head in. "You in here?" 

"I'm fine Catherine. Just leave me alone." Came Sara's voice. Catherine couldn't see her because of the design of the building. From the doorway all she saw was another wall, but she knew Sara was right around the corner. She sounded like she was ready to cry. Being the people person Catherine was she heard Sara's plea to be alone as a cry for help. 

"Sara you're not fine." She said stepping into the muddy waters. Sara was someone who was very private when it came to defending her privacy. If Catherine came across as threatening that privacy Sara might feel the need to defend herself. Catherine didn't want her to feel cornered but the last thing Sara needed was to pretend nothing was wrong. 

"I told you I am fine." 

Catherine finally caught sight of Sara standing in against the far wall as she turned the corner. Sara had her head down and her arms folded across her chest. 

"The definition of 'fine' does not fit you in the least." Catherine kept her distance at the sinks. "Do you want to talk about it?" 

"No." 

"There is nothing to be ashamed of Sara. You have..." Catherine started but Sara cut her off. 

"I'm not ashamed of anything Catherine." She stressed Catherine's name to show her annoyance with her colleague. "I have work to do." Sara pushed off the wall with her back to give her the momentum to stand. She wouldn't admit it but that the action really hurt. 

"No you don't." Catherine planted her feet blocking Sara's path for the exit. "You should go home. Get some rest." 

Rest? Sara thought, not very likely. She hasn't had rest since for years. "Move Catherine." 

"No." Catherine could see the hurt in Sara's eyes begin to disappear as anger took its hold on her. 

"Move." She said again. 

"No. I am sending you home." Be strong Catherine. Just wear her down. "You haven't eaten at all today nor have you gotten your rest. I am taking you home." 

"First of all you have no authority to send me home. And secondly it's none of your business. My eating and sleeping habits are none of your concern." 

"They are when they affect your work." Catherine knew it was a lie but that she had to try something to get Sara to slow down. If anything that was Sara's problem. She didn't have any brakes and Catherine didn't know why. 

"That's crap Catherine and you know it." 

"You're going home." 

"No I'm not." Catherine let her pass afraid of what would happen if she touched her, like she wanted so terribly to do. Just to let Sara know that Catherine was her friend in all this. 

She had no choice. "Grissom will back me on this Sara. I'll get him to suspend you if need be." 

Sara stopped dead. She never thought of Catherine to use her friendship with the boss as an instrument to a threat. Though Sara and Catherine weren't the best of friends because of the rough start they had, they were respected friends. Each respected the other's capability and intelligence. Sara felt hurt by such a threat coming from a "friend". But again anger dispersed the pain. "You would bring him into this." Sara hissed. 

"Well in case you haven't noticed he has been in this for sometime Sara. He is worried about you. We all are." 

"You can all go to hell." Sara's words were harsh and cold. She didn't mean to say it, and especially not to Catherine. It was the sleep deprivation and hunger. It cut off the reasoning to the rational part of her brain. She knew Catherine was only trying to help but Sara didn't want her help or anyone else's help. 

Catherine was stunned to silence. She could not believe what Sara just told her. It wasn't the words that upset her personally, no it was the fact that Catherine had no idea Sara was this bad. She knew Sara wouldn't be all right after such a traumatic event and it would take time, but she thought she was getting through this. But she was wrong. Catherine held out her hand. "Give me your gun." 

The silence was painstaking. Sara didn't know what to do so panic overtook her. "Catherine I am sorry. Please don't do this. This is all I have left. Please." 

Is this a ploy? Catherine was at a crossroad. Sara would lie to stay at work, but no. The pleading in her voice and tears stinging her eyes were real. Sara was never one to fake emotion to please someone else. "Then I want you to go home now. And I want you to take tomorrow off." 

Sara sighed. She had no choice. One day from work was better than a week. "Fine." 

"I'll drive." Catherine gestured for Sara to go first and she would follow. 

In the hall Grissom and Nick were at the front desk suggesting their next move on the case when they stepped out. 

"I'm taking Sara home, Gris. She is taking tomorrow off too. I'll be back in later." 

Grissom wanted to say so much but he couldn't find the right words. He wanted to know how Catherine got Sara to go home and take a day off. It was almost unimaginable. But through the years there was one thing Grissom underestimated and that was Catherine's gift with people. "That's fine. Everything okay Sara?" He asked. 

Sara wasn't even paying attention. She was like a child that had to go shopping for hours with her parents. What Grissom didn't know was that all of Sara's energy was holding her small frame up. If she directed her energy in another direction she might collapse. 

Catherine saw what was going on and decided to intervene. "Leave her alone Gil. I'll make sure she gets home safe." 

"Okay." Grissom said to Catherine but his eyes never left Sara. "Get some rest Sara." He said trying to get her attention, but again she ignored him. 

__________________________________ 

Sara sat staring out the window as Catherine drove her home. There was no other way to put it except that she felt horrible for two reasons. She was sorry she said such a mean thing to Catherine. She was only trying to help. She also felt horrible physically. When she was in the bathroom and examined her latest abuse that she inflected upon herself she was thrown into deeper despair. She didn't even realize why she was so sore in the mornings until she looked. How bad is that? She didn't even know she was hurting herself. It was a total mystery until finally she figured it out. Some investigator. Afterwards she clipped her nails shorter than usual. She didn't know why the dreams were coming again. They subsided so much she thought they were gone, but now they came back full force and she couldn't explain it. 

Catherine stole several glances at Sara as she drove. She was hoping the ride would lull her to sleep. A sleepy Sara was easier to talk to, but fate had other plans. Sara was wide awake and fully aware that Catherine was staring at her. 

"Stop staring at me." Sara said. "I'm not a baby." 

Catherine wasn't surprised that Sara knew what Catherine was doing. Her blunt honesty was a welcomed thing. "You sound like Lindsay." She said trying to lighten the mood. 

"How is she?" Sara never really made a connection with children easily, but then again the ones she did forge were for life. For instance Sara kept in touch with the little girl Grissom made her baby-sit on the case with the family killing. Brenda was her name. She was such a great kid and certainly didn't deserve what was done to her. But Catherine didn't know this, so naturally when Sara asked about Lindsay, it puzzled Catherine. 

"She is good." Catherine said. "You know slowly getting into the boy phase. Yesterday she asked if she could get a tattoo." 

Sara snickered. "How old is she?" 

"Nine." 

"A little young for boys and tattoos don't you think?" 

"Well the age limit keeps getting smaller. I remember when I was nine, boys were the ultimate cootie carriers. I still slept with a stuffed teddy bear." 

"Purple elephant." Sara said. 

Catherine looked over to Sara in confusion. "What?" 

"I had a purple elephant to sleep with." 

"Oh." Catherine's eyes scanned the parking lot outside Sara's apartment. "What was his name?" 

"It was a girl. Penny." Sara was lost in a time where she could clutch Penny and the world was suddenly a safer place. Everyone grows out of that though. Too bad, she thought. The world wouldn't be such a bad place if we all had a something to hold tight when things got bad. 

"Do you still have her?" Catherine asked throwing the car in park. 

"Oh no. She was thrown out. I got real sick with some type of virus." Sara knew the name but was too exhausted to remember. "Anyway my father had to burn her." The car was quiet. "Well this is me. I better go." Sara unclasped her seat belt. 

"Sara?" Catherine's voice was hopeful. 

"Yeah." 

"Do you want me to come in until you get settled?" 

Sara managed a smile. "Thanks Catherine but I think I can handle it." 

"I just want to make sure you're okay. How does your stomach feel?" 

"Better. Look I'm doing much better honestly." It was somewhat true Sara was feeling better since Warrick got her something to eat. 

Catherine pondered for a moment then bravely asked her questions. "Sara how long have you had an ulcer?" 

"Catherine..." The brunette sighed looking away. 

Catherine regarded Sara carefully. "Just tell me Sara. Grissom knew about it, have you had it since college?" 

Sara turned sharply. "I know what you're thinking and no I didn't get it because of my relationship with Eric." 

"If not then, when? How did Grissom find out?" Catherine was quick with her questions. It was like she was on a timer, and her goal: get as much out of Sara before she could realize what was going on. She hated to treat Sara this way but it was the only way to get anything out of her. 

"My doctor called the office to notify I couldn't go to work. Grissom just happened to be around when the call came through at the front desk. He was told everything." Sara watched Catherine's face trying to read it. "I am fine Catherine." 

"But God, Sara what happened?" Her features graced the unpleasant look on deep concern for her friend. Sara's attitude was quite disturbing to her. To disregard this as nothing was worrying Catherine a little more than she realized initially. 

"It's not that big a deal." She replied flatly. The annoyance was evident in her tone. 

"It is when you're not eating." 

"I know you care Catherine but it's hard to eat something when my stomach is in knots. Let's just drop it." 

Catherine stared at Sara. She could see the exhaustion in everything she did. Her eyes blinked so slowly, Catherine was sure Sara was going to fall asleep right there. "Let me take you home with me. I have an extra room and Lindsay would love to see you." 

Sara actually laughed at the thought. "Thanks Catherine but I don't think so." 

But Catherine was not joking. Sara was starting to scare her. "I am serious Sara. We could talk." 

"About what?" Sara said. "I don't want to talk." 

"You need to talk. Sara I saw what your stomach looks like. How long have been hurting yourself?" 

Sara's fears were confirmed. She knew Catherine wasn't going to forget. She looked at Catherine blankly. Not a word was spoken between the two. Sara was hurt by Catherine's words. Sara knew too well what she was doing to herself and didn't need to be reminded of it by someone else. It wasn't like she can control such a thing. She didn't want to talk about how horrible she felt inside. Not with Catherine or anyone for that matter. 

"Sara?" Catherine asked. She was afraid she lost Sara. Me and my big mouth, she thought. Then Sara finally spoke but not the words she wanted to hear. 

"I got to go Catherine." She opened the door then jumped out. Before Catherine could say another word the door was shut in her face. 

__________________________________ 

tbc... 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: It has been so long since I picked this up that several views I had when I started this have changed as much as I've changed since last year. To those that have been following it, I'm truly sorry for the lateness. Some other things have been in the way. Also I'd like to mention that I have no idea how this is going to happen. It's all free-write so sorry for errors ahead of time. Reviews are still very welcome. 

Chapter 5 

Sara was lying awake staring at her fan overhead as it made a constant hum that drove her insane but lulled her mind as well. She had been laying there for over two hours. Usually she managed to sneak in a few hours of rest, but now even a few hours were proving impossible. She couldn't seem to shut her brain down for the day and everything was relived. 

First the embrace they shared in the rain. She felt so safe and warm despite the fact that she was freezing cold. It felt good to be held by Grissom. Then the little argument about eating. It was just like him to go from caring to being a total jerk. He wouldn't even know about the ulcer if the stupid doctor didn't insist that she take the day off. She was fine. She is fine. Right, Sara, keep telling yourself that, she thought ruefully. 

Then the lounge episode; she didn't even want to rethink that. She must have looked crazy clawing at herself and screaming. Catherine didn't make anything easier. Threatening to suspend her because she needed rest. She couldn't believe Catherine did this to her. Two days off, what was she going to do with herself? 

Her new cuts burned beneath her clothes. She raised her shirt to view the damage. It looked like she fell in a bed of thorns and rolled around for a while before getting up. The bruises hurt also. Some were from the constant irritation of the skin and the others came from hitting herself. She pulled her shirt down tightly around her hips. Her eyes fell to the ceiling fan again as it continued to hum. 

__________________________________ 

"Hey Cath, how was Sara when you dropped her off?" Nick asked joining her. 

Catherine glanced over her shoulder at Nick. She was still somewhat distraught because of the way things ended in the car. She was sorry she took on the job of taking Sara home and she didn't know how she was feeling. 

She sighed loudly. "I think she'll be better with some rest Nicky." 

"Not with nightmares like that." Nick shook his head. He regarded Sara with a caring love. She had grown on him really. Probably the first friend she had when she came here, well besides Grissom. What he saw today scared him beyond anything he had ever seen. "Did you see what she was doing to herself?" 

"Yeah." She stopped walking. "Have you seen Grissom?" 

"Down the hall." Nick replied completely lost in thought. "Tell him I'll be in ballistics if he needs me." 

Catherine nodded and went in search of Grissom. They needed to talk. When she found him he was bent over a piece evidence from the cop shooting. "Find anything interesting?" 

Grissom gave a start but soon relaxed. "Not really but I won't know what is important until I have more pieces of the puzzle. It took you awhile to get back. How did it go?" 

"With Sara? I had to practically beat a response out of her and I still haven't managed to learn much of anything. You could help me instead doing nothing." 

He removed his glasses like so many times before. "Catherine I don't need your badgering right now okay? It's been a real long day." 

The marks on her body were scary and a rude awakening for Grissom. From what he could tell there was old and new marks, which meant this was happening for sometime. And he didn't know. How could he miss the signs of such apparent self-destruction? 

"Hey boss." Warrick said walking into the room. "Just got back. Sorry it took so long but my landlord, Mrs. Creevy, needed help with moving some of her stuff and no one paged me so I helped." Warrick took notice to the tension in the room. "What's up?" 

"With the case? Nothing. Look I want us to call it a day." Grissom fumbled with the evidence bag and put the clothing back in it's place. 

"But you said that this case was becoming a double." Warrick said a little upset. 

"We all need our rest. Do me a favor and find Nick and tell him to go home too?" 

"Sure." Warrick raised an eyebrow. It wasn't too often that Grissom pass up a chance to work a case. "What about Sara? Is she with him?" 

"Uh...she went home already. Just tell Nick okay?" 

"Whatever you say Gris." Suddenly Warrick knew that whatever happened to make Grissom and Catherine upset had everything to do with Sara. He made sure to ask Nick once he found him. 

Nick was in ballistics going over the bullet with Bobby when he saw Warrick. "Hey man, where have you been?" 

"Went home for a shower." 

"Why didn't you shower here?" 

"No change of clothes. Did you find anything we missed?" 

"Nah. What are you up to?" 

"Not much. Grissom is sending us all home." 

"What about the case?" Nick asked in disbelief. 

Warrick shrugged his big shoulders. "Hey what happened while I was gone? Everyone's acting a little weird." 

"Thanks Bobby but we can let it go until tonight." Nick ordered as he got off his stool and motioned for Warrick to follow him out the door. "Sara." It was one word but that was all Nick needed to take him back to the commotion earlier. 

"What happened?" 

"She had a nightmare." 

"She fell asleep? Here?" 

"Yep in the lounge. Catherine and I found her scratching and pulling at herself. There were tiny cuts from her nails not to mention small bruises on her torso. We couldn't get her to wake up so we called in Grissom. The look on his face...he was scared. We all were." 

Warrick could not hide the shock or the concern. Sara was his enemy when she came to Vegas but now it was a different type of friendship. It became less strained as the months passed and he worked a few cases with her. He had great respect for her capabilities as a CSI and he valued her friendship. "So Gris sent her home?" 

"Actually Catherine did. Grissom was afraid to go anywhere near her." Nick pushed through the locker room door. "I don't blame him." 

"Dang. Is she going to be okay?" 

"I should hope so. She has the next two days off." 

"What's she going to do for two days?" 

TBC... 


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Okay folks, here we go. I'm trying to create something more than a love fic for G/S so there will be some pretty intense moments that aren't exactly a joy, but I hope you see it as necessary to understand the nightmares Sara is currently going thru. Thank you for the encouragement to continue. Hopefully the next chapter will be up much sooner. 

Oh and a huge "Thank you." to my new beta for MF, Geena. You've done wonders! 

Chapter 6 

_Twenty-two year old Sara Sidle slapped the buzzing alarm with a quick hand. Her partner stirred groggily beside her._

_"Was that the 'larm?" He mumbled still half asleep._

_She had grown accustomed to his presence beside her and thus wasn't surprised by his wakeful yet drowsy question._

_"I have to get up. Go back to bed." She whispered crawling out from under the blankets that were now bathed in early morning light._

_A few months ago they made the big leap all relationships take. They decided to move in with each other. Well actually, she moved into his place. It was bigger and a lot nicer than the slum she was living in, and not to mention she was with him. Eric Roberts was a great person and a perfect match for Sara Sidle. He was a physics student like herself and very dedicated to his work and studies. He understood the pressures of scholarship renewal and going somewhere with your life. He valued intelligence and became annoyed with stupidity. Eric was charming and handsome in a boyish way that usually attracted many, men and women alike. But that is where the character information stops._

_He knew almost everything about her. It seemed natural to learn the quirks of your mate. In reality though, he didn't seem to really trust her enough to talk about himself. She really didn't know much about his family or childhood for example. He never was forthcoming and if she'd ask, he would deflect with a vague answer or change of subject. It was cute in a mysterious way and she supposed it didn't matter. She would cross that "relationship bridge" when she came to it because as it always seemed to be with young people, love is what could lay the foundation for the bridges._

_She did love him. In fact, he was part of her firsts list. There had been others but she never reached this level of comfort and love with them. Now, everything was as perfect as the ingredients in a gourmet dish.___

___Her feet touched the cool floor and she shuddered. As she began to rise Eric's hand snaked out and grabbed the back of her nightshirt._

_"Why are you up? No classes on Saturday."_

_She turned toward his clear voice. His eyes remained closed, but she knew he was awake. "I have some things to do and wanted to get a head start."_

_His eyes blinked open. "What things?"_

_She shrugged and though he was talking loudly she maintained her whisper. "Just some errands and such. It's no big deal. Go back to bed."_

_He threw the covers aside forcefully. A rush of air blew her hair on her neck mirroring her inner surprise._

_"I can't sleep now. I'm wide awake because of your damn alarm clock." He spat and went to the bathroom._

_Her brow furrowed in confusion. She had seen him like this several times before. He usually got moody when exams were creeping near or he was lacking his usual nine hours of sleep. Sara could never understand why anyone would need so much sleep, but he used every minute apparently._

_She rose from the bed and went to the closet lost in more thoughts. Her first encounter with hostility came with the usual arguments and shouts. But the first physical argument is one she never saw coming. He had slapped her outside the movie theater as she got in the car because she told him he should have stayed home if he was going to be such an ass and complain the whole night. Well he popped her a good one. Her eyes immediately watered with a mixture of physiological response and tears. That night she stayed with a friend but was back the next day after he apologized._

_The later incidents were few and far between, almost as if it never happened. She gave him space to calm down, but he never really__intentionally hurt her. The rules of fate knew otherwise. Then the arguments were punctuated by open-hand slapping. Sara had a few hits of her own. Oddly enough, it never occurred to her as abuse. The things you say and do when you're angry don't really count. Do they? Anyway, they had their breaks as all couples do, but managed to find each other again. She really didn't know why she came back, but vowed it would be her last if he touched her again. He understood and accepted the new ground rule avidly._

_She is startled from her thoughts as his lips touch her neck._

_He kisses her neck. "I want you to stay."_

_She smiled. "Eric..."_

__

__

__Sara awoke before she knew she fell asleep, which was rather odd considering the circumstances. However, whenever sleep occurred she was thankful. Even a small amount of time is enough to clear her head and keep her going longer. 

Although the dream was imprinted in her mind she always anticipated the end of it's series: first the start of it all dream, then the progression dream, and lastly the grand finale dream. She shook her head to discard the pounding left over from such intense memory, but it remained consistent. Then she realized the pounding wasn't the thoughts leaving a headache in its wake. It was someone at her apartment door. 

Still slightly dazed and stiff from her nap, she went to get the door. 

"Who is it?" 

Sara stood on her tiptoes to look through the peephole with her hand on the lock. 

TBC... 


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: This fic has nine lives I swear. I never meant for it to be this long and to go the way it is heading, but it seems to write itself. Thank you for the feedback, of course. It's important for any writer to know what the writing has done for others. I apologize for the mistakes you just can't ignore and I want to thank Geena for minimizing them as much a possible. Enjoy and keep the reviews coming please! 

Chapter 7 

An attractive young man stared back her with features made grotesque by concave lens. "It's the damn bogeyman. Open the door, Einstein." 

She let relief wash over her. Calm down, she told herself. You are awake. It was just a dream. Dreams can't hurt you. The soreness throughout her body told her otherwise. 

Her brother knocked once more on the door she now had her head rested against as she caught her breath. 

"Sara? It's me. Open up." 

She drew a steadying breath and opened the door. A small forced smile appeared on her face as she took in his appearance. "Jamie. What are you doing here?" 

Jameson Sidle was at least six foot two with strong square shoulders. A battered black leather coat hid his toned torso and arms but the strong jaw line enforced what was hidden. The unshaven hard face appeared angry at the world, the eyes as dark as night and just as mysterious, the haircut short but not short enough to suggest any strong authority or control in his life, and a smile that wouldn't do justice to his kind nature. 

"Are you okay?" He asked with concern. "I've been knocking for a while now." 

"Huh? I'm fine. What are you doing here? Are mom and dad okay? I didn't get a call." 

He ignored her questions while he sized her up and down. He could take one look and know something was wrong. She was a little thinner than he remembered and a distant look replaced the warmth in her eyes that he was usually accustomed. He wasn't the genius of the family but knew and read people well; something which his sister lacked. 

Her brow furrowed. "Well, are they okay?" 

"Yes, but you aren't looking too good." 

She subconsciously tugged at her sleeves. "Never-you-mind." 

"Hey it is my business to know how you are." He tried a small reassuring smile. "But I won't hold your lack of enthusiasm to see your favorite brother against you." 

"You're my only brother. I don't really have a choice." 

A hand quickly materialized with flowers. "I'll pretend I didn't hear that." 

"They're beautiful." She said letting herself get wrapped in his sturdy embrace. "Is this better?" 

"Yes." He squeezed her heartily lifting her feet from the floor and forcing the air from her lungs. When he released her, he noticed a painful expression on her face as she straightened her shirt. He made a mental note to ask later. 

"Are you going to invite me in or what?" 

"Ohum sure, come in." 

He stepped over the threshold as she moved to the side. "Oh this is nice, very very nice." 

"Yeah a little better than the place back home." She said distractedly closing the door. "So don't keep me wondering. What are you doing in Vegas?" 

"I wanted to see you." He discarded his coat. "Dad told me to tell you he misses his assistant bookkeeper and mom...well just misses you. You should call more often, but they wanted you to know that visiting wouldn't be such a bad idea either." 

She looked away. "Things have been busy and I know they're busy with the B & B." 

"I tried telling them that but you know how they are. They like to keep in touch with the offspring." 

She nodded. Her parents could be a handful sometimes, which was partly the reason she managed most of the accounting matters, or bookkeeping as her father called it, and made sure things were done in an organized timely fashion. In a small nutshell, the Sidle parents were the exact opposite of their daughter. Jameson was the renegade and often getting into trouble so he fit in more than Sara, but he also had his limits. 

"Anyway they're never too busy to talk to you." 

"That sounds like their words, not your own." She walked into the kitchen to put the flowers in water. "I'm fine and you can tell them that." 

"Oh no the hell I won't." He said from behind her. "Last time I got between you and mom, I damn near lost my head. Not to mention dad wouldn't talk to me for three days. So if you want them to know how you're doing and why you haven't called them, then you're going to have to tell them yourself." 

"Fine, if you're going to make such a big deal about it." 

"Yes I am." He said finally sitting down. "Besides I don't have the heart to lie to them." 

This made Sara roll her eyes. "You lie to them all the time." 

His dark brown eyes lit up and a sly smile crossed his face. "I lie about me, not about you." 

"What lie? I'm not lying." 

"You're not fine and frankly I'm beginning to wonder if you're even aware of it." 

She turned away from him pretending to be busy. "Don't try some Psychology 101 on me, especially since you didn't even pass it." 

"Has anyone in the Great City of Las Vegas ever told you, that you can be the biggest pain in the ass?" 

"Really funny, but let's talk about you since you just show up whenever you like." 

He allowed a long quiet pause. He didn't like being the topic of conversation, and Sara knew this as a fact. "I'm doing fine. Same ole, same ole." 

She nodded but remained quiet, distracted. 

"What's for supper?" He asked in a bright voice. 

She blinked back to life. "A hundred restaurants in this city and you come to the one person that doesn't like to cook. Plus you haven't answered my questions yet?" 

"Yeah but you need _money_ for those places. I'd much rather mooch off of you and save a few bucks." 

She frowned. "So how's work then?" 

He ran a hand through his hair. "I have money Sara. I was just kidding with you." 

"I know but I you are here by your own freewill in the middle of the week, plan to stay for a few days, and still haven't told me why." 

"A week actually." He corrected. 

"Which brings us back to why you are here, right?" She pointed out ignoring the flip her stomach did when he told her how long he would be staying. 

"I came to see you. Do I need a permit to visit my baby sister?" 

She snorted fighting sarcastic laughter. "Wellyes you do. At least a call would've been nice." 

"Yeah, well then there would be no element of surprise. I had some vacation time coming up and I felt like a road trip." 

"Seriously, Jamie. You don't just drop by without reason." Her voice touched the edge of annoyance. It was true her brother could read people well, but it wasn't true about himself. He really had no direction in his life and seemed to be afraid of finding out where he belonged because that meant he was bound to something. The thought terrified him. Most importantly, Sara knew and could see through the humor and the white lies like glass, which was now annoying her due to lack of sleep. 

"Okay, the truth is I was suspended by the newest fat prick overseeing my collections." 

"What?" 

"Look I didn't come to get the third degree by the same little sister I used to torture." 

"Mom and dad don't know." She said knowingly. 

He sighed. "You and I both know I would never hear the end of it. They bought the vacation lie and seemed to be happy with it. Listen Sara, I've had my share of screw ups, but I did not mess up those collections. Let the bastard fire me. I know I'm right." 

She barely resisted a huge sigh. This really couldn't come at a worse time, but turning him away wasn't really an option. 

"You're staying a week?" 

"If that's okay." He said quickly giving her large puppy eyes. "I really didn't want mom and dad to find out and I thought if I stayed I might do something stupid." 

"You can have the couch and stay as long as you like on one condition." 

He smiled. "Name it." 

"You're buying dinner every night you're here. I don't have the food for a carnivore..." 

"You don't eat meat anymore?" He interrupted. 

"No. Like I was saying I don't have the means or the time to make supper after work." 

"Okay it is a deal." He crossed over to her and kissed her forehead. "Thanks." 

"Oh no problem." 

TBC 


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Short chapter but the next one is longer and you won't have to wait as long. I know such great news! }:^D Thanks Geena for the beta-ing and thanks to those that dropped me a review in the inbox. Have fun! 

Chapter 8 

In Grissom's office hours before shift would begin, he thought he misheard what was being said. "What?" 

Captain Brass cleared his throat again. This wasn't easy for him either. "He was released, Gil." He repeated softly. 

Grissom's heart pounded relentlessly against his ribcage replacing his shock with confusion. "What do you mean he was released?" 

Brass dropped in one of the chairs in front of Grissom and pinched his nose. "The creep got a good lawyer, a good deal on a technicality, and the release papers were issued by lunchtime." 

Suddenly, sitting down was too much. Grissom stood up and spun away from Brass. Somehow this had to be a mistake --a nightmare while he fell asleep pushing paper. It was too unreal to be possible. He's been released. How is she going to take the news? God, he nearly shattered her life last time. She was just starting to get back on track and now this. 

"You're sure there is nothing that can be done?" He asked still staring at the wall. 

"I talked with the district attorney and got nowhere. Apparently they don't think it's an issue, considering the circumstances." 

Grissom wheeled around, his eyes a piercing blue. Brass continued. 

"You and I both know that once a case gets to court it has no face. It is all paperwork. Sara's involvement was never brought into the Roberts murder trial. I checked and rechecked her name isn't among the file." 

"What about the charges we brought up for assaulting an officer? Those were the charges that connected Sara to him!" He yelled in irritation. 

"Totally separate cases. Two different judges and court dates. The DA never knew it was the same guy or relevant." 

"Relevant?!" 

Brass raised a hand to stop him. "I know, but that's the way the law sees it. What is important now..." 

"That son-of-a-bitch should be wasting away in county prison! How is Sara suppose to work when she has to look over her shoulder out of fear?!" 

"We've got an immediate restraining order against him, Gil. That's all we can do until he makes a threatening move. I cannot prevent panic but I can protect her from an attack. It's the best we have right now until he becomes a danger." 

"When he kills her? Is that sufficient enough? Well that is not enough for me." 

"Look, I love Sara like a daughter, if this guy moves on her I'll get him with the biggest smile on my face." He smiled wanly. "We'll get him." 

The words clicked into place. Grissom said those exact same words to Sara when she got too close to a case and the chances of catching the suspect were fleeting. Now it was his turnto realize walking away could be impossible. 

"She shouldn't have to live like this, Jim." He said after a long pause. 

Jim could only nod in agreement. 

Catherine made an appearance in the open doorway. "I heard you shouting all the way in the lounge. What's going on?" 

Brass glanced at Grissom, who made no indication his mind was in the office but with a certain female CSI. 

"Gil? Jim?" 

Brass stood up and faced Catherine. "Eric Roberts was released this afternoon." 

"What?" 

"Yeah, we already got that reaction." Grissom mumbled under his breath.****

****Catherine moved into the office closing the door behind her. "Does Sara know?" 

"No." Brass turned back to Grissom. "I'll arrange one of my best guys to accompany you to her place." 

"Do you think that is the best idea?" Catherine interjected. "I mean, she's already having a hard time, Gil. Telling her he was released will put her in a panic. Besides, he may not be interested in finding Sara." 

He blinked back to the present. "She was one of the CSI's working the murder case that put him in court in the first place and given their history I'm not trusting him to just fly off on the next plane." 

"Do you know what this is going to do to her?" 

"She should know, Cath. She would want to know. Her awareness that he is walking the streets will work to her advantage." 

"You talk about her like she's bait." She said allowing her anger to flare. "This is about Sara, not working around the system to put him in jail." 

"She should know." He persisted in a stony voice. 

She met his frustration with her own. "You weren't the one who had to order her home." 

Grissom broke the fiery gaze to glance at Brass. 

"Your call." Brass said with a shrug. 

Without any hesitation he said, "I'm telling her right after shift." 

Catherine sighed, defeated. "Fine, but don't be your usual selfand show some sensitivity as you tell her." 

He only glared at her. Brass cut the tension by clearing his throat. "Well I'll be over at the PD drinking a large quantity of scotch." 

"Thanks Jim, for..." 

"I know." He answered with a rueful smile. This time the words held more weight. He closed the door behind him with full knowledge that the conversation between Grissom and Catherine were not over in the least. 

As if on cue, Catherine spoke as the door locked into place. "You have to careful with her." 

"Catherine, I know how to handle Sara." He said in a strained voice.****

****"Maybe for you're own benefit but this is about her, not you." 

"What does that mean?" 

"It means what it should." 

"Would you like to tell her then?" He shot back. "Since you seem to think I'm incapable of handling my own CSI." 

She snorted at him. "That's your problem. This isn't about one of _your_ CSI's anymore. It is about Sara the person. You cannot protect her from memories like you can protect her at a crime scene. You cannot stop her personal struggle with this like you could help her with a case. When you realize that, maybe you'll be able to help her."****

****"Then why don't you tell her?" He asked again. 

"Because believe it or not, you are the only one she still manages to trust." 

Grissom pulled the glasses off his face and began to rub his eyes. 

"Just be careful for her sake." She said sweeping the door closed once again as she left him with his thoughts. 

Two hours into shift he came to one conclusion: nothing was going to happen to her. 

TBC... 


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Strong precaution is advised because of topic matter. To **witchysara**: I'm from Latrobe, Pa. *winks* 

Chapter 9 

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_Sara found herself yet again standing in front of her old bedroom closet deciding what to wear with her pants as Eric gingerly kissed her neck. The familiarity with which she relived her dream catalyzed her sleeping heart beat._

_"I just can't stay." She said again in a younger hopeful voice. "There isn't much time left in the semester for me to take today off. Dr. Kapstack is pushing for me to work over Christmas break. And I know we still have time before the finals but I want to be ready. Not to mention Kasey is calling wrap-up meetings for the club. I just got to go."_

_"Well I think you should stay."_

_"I can't. Maybe..."_

_Before she could finish her sentence he slammed her head into the solid edge of the closet door frame. Instant stars made her stagger backward. Unsure of whether she was going to lose consciousness, she sat heavily down beside their bed. When she raised a slow hand to the left side of her forehead, she drew back bloody fingers._

_"I said you are going to stay."_

_Still staring at the blood on her fingertips and feeling it flowing into her eye she answer back with determination. "No. I've got things to do."_

_This seemed to enrage him more, which she expected but didn't want to give in to his authority. He instantly grabbed her by the wrist, drawing her upward and finally pushing her back onto the bed to straddle her. She bucked under him and swore through gritted teeth._

_"I said, shut up!" He shook her hard and she fell silent._

_Her eyes locked with his and she wondered how she ever saw compassion in those icy orbs. "Let me go." She demanded._

_"You want to go? Fine. Go!" He shouted, suddenly he dismounting her. "Get your fat ass going if you want to go!"_

_She looked at him doubtfully but couldn't speak. She couldn't trust him not to attack her if she left. His temper flared inside him and raised his hand to strike her._

_"Go!" He yelled making her flinch. "Get out of my face!"_

_Holding her tongue, so she didn't further provoke him, she dogged out of the room. The warm blood beginning to clot as she went..._

_"You stayed with Kasey?"_

_"Yeah." She whispered, unsure this was such a good idea anymore. But she pushed through. "Eric we need to talk."_

_He turned and sighed, seemingly in great distress by her absence for the passed week and a half. "I know. But let me talk first."_

_She nodded, unaware she was breaking her first rule._

_"I don't want this to be over. I messed up big time and I know that. I'm sorry...I just lost my temper which I shouldn't have. There is no excuse and nothing I can say to justify what happened. From the bottom of my heart, baby, I am so sorry. But you know we are strong and so great together. And we can work through this, I'll try harder. I can take anger management or..."_

_"I think we should take a break." She interrupted._

_"Sara, honey, we don't need a break." He almost laughed at it's absurdity. "I just wanted to be with you and when I couldn't have you, I was upset. That is it. I wanted you all to myself so I could pamper you like a queen. When I couldn't have my way I got angry. You know me. I love you too much. And that means we need more time together, not apart."_

_"I just think..."_

_He walked over to her and touched her forehead where the healed cut was hiding under makeup. "I think we should take a vacation together. Me and you in the Bahamas sipping on martinis and laying in the sun."_

_"What? Eric..."_

_"No listen. After this semester ends, we should go and have ourselves a tropical Christmas."_

_She shook her head and backed away. "No. We need a break from...us."_

_He chewed the inside of his mouth debating the response he wasn't aiming for. "I said I was sorry, Sara. What is this bullshit about breaking up?"_

_"It is just a break. In a few months when our thoughts are sorted out we can go from there." She said hopefully. "It could be good for us. Time apart to concentrate on..."_

_"I lose my temper once and you're ready to run. Why am I not surprised? Just like the rest of the jerks in my life: ready to hit me when I'm down. You were never on my side, just in this for yourself."_

_"What?!" She wanted to recount the times she was stuck by him, or the times she saw passed the flaws and kept trying to make their relationship work, but she quickly decided against it. Now wasn't the time to argue. It was time to walk out before she ended up exactly where she didn't want to be. "Listen, maybe we jumped into this too quickly and we didn't really..."_

_"I gave you a place to stay and didn't ask for a thing. Do you intend to simply walk all over me and I just roll with the punches? You should climb down from that high horse once in a while, and respect those that go out of their way for a brat like you. Besides, where the hell will you go without me? Who is going to take you in? I'm all you've got."_

_"Kasey said I could stay with her." She whispered feeling weakened and actual pity for Eric now. "Eric, I'm trying to make this work."_

_"Liar! You already made plans to leave! We're not discussing our future, you've already decided it for us. You've made up your mind and that's it. Damn you, Sara!"_

_"Eric..."_

_His eyes flashed with anger causing her to step back again. "Is there someone else? Another guy? You been spreadin' your legs to any guy with a line?"_

_"No! It's not that at all." She shook her head violently appalled by the insult. "Eric, slapping someone and demeaning them is not what a relationship is about. What you're doing is abuse."_

_"Abuse?!" He shouted with untamed fury in his eyes. Her first thought was to run but he was on her too quickly, as he shoved her into the kitchen counter behind her. The pain in her lower back shot through her in sharp prickles._

_"Eric!" She cried out. "No!"_

_Eric's fist hit her squarely in the stomach causing her to double over to expose her shoulders and back to his wrath. One destroying blow struck her to the ground for protection._

_"Eric stop! Stop!"_

_"Abuse?! Abuse?!" He kept repeating as his feet joined the fight kicking her first in the ribs then her thighs with great force. Her hands offered little protection as she huddled on the linoleum floor. Tears now flowed as freely down her cheeks as the blood coursing down her chin from a split lip._

_Then it stopped, like a switch was thrown. Sara felt sick with pain and began to rock back and forth crying while Eric panted with exertion._

_"Now that's abuse." He breathed. "Bitch."_

_She wanted to get up, to walk out the door and be strong, to leave him behind for good. But nothing seemed to take the command to transform it into action. Her body felt like fire and she felt so used and mistreated._

_Her mind when blank when the tears ran out. There wasn't any way to tell how long she had been laying there and she really didn't care anymore. She was defeated. She closed her eyes hoping she would lapse out of a bad dream and wake up in her bed._

_"Get up, Sara. I didn't hit you that hard." He called from another room._

_She didn't move. It was safer to pretend she was unconscious._

_He waited. "Come on. Are you in there? I said get up."_

_She didn't move._

_"You'll catch the flu lying there all night."_

_She opened her eyes feeling the weight of his body on the floor. "See you're fine. Now get up."_

_She closed her eyes again wishing him away._

_He grabbed her under the arms and brought her to a standing position._

_"There we go. I called Kasey. She's not expecting you." He pushed the hair from her eyes and she jerked hotly away from him._

_"Don't touch me."_

_Eric gripped her upper arm. "I'll touch you if I damn well please. Now, go get your ass cleaned up. You look horrible."_

_She gathered all her nerve and began to stumble past him towards the door. If she could_

_"Do you think you can just leave?" He said with a laugh._

_She refused to speak, or wouldn't allow herself to speak. Honestly, she couldn't trust herself to say the tactful thing. Concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other, she finally made it to her keys. He had to let her go. He just had to. He's done all he can do to mark her for the rest of her life. He won. She lost. He just had to let her go._

_Eric simply stepped between the door and Sara. "Get in the bedroom."_

_She felt tears sting her eyes again. "Just let me go, Eric."_

_"Sara, I'm no longer playing nice. I am telling you right now to get undressed and ready for bed."_

_"No." Her voice cracked as well as her nerve. The legs supporting her began to threaten a hard fall to the ground._

_"You aren't leaving." He said now smiling. "Get it through your thick head now and I won't have to beat it into you later."_

_"I'm not going to press charges. Just let me leave."_

_"Do you think I'm worried about that?" He slapped the door with aggravation. "Now I'm not telling you again: get undressed and in bed before I get back there."_

_She debated._

_"No."_

_He response was followed by his open hand across her mouth. Totally beaten for the first time in her life, she began to fall to the floor. He caught her just in time and carried her towards the bedroom..._

__

__

__"Sara!" Jameson shook his sister's shoulders so hard he was sure he was leaving bruises where his fingers lay. "Sara! Wake up!" 

Sara's eyes shot open with fear the dream wasn't over as they darted around the room. 

"Jesus Christ on a crutch!" He yelled calming his owning beating heart. He slid off the bed and fell to the floor, placing his head in his hands. "What in the hell was that?" 

Sara hadn't the strength to sit up and face, who she now recognized as her big brother. 

"Sara, what in the world was that about?" Jameson asked again without getting up. "You almost gave me a heart attack." 

"Nothing." She whispered closing her eyes concentrating on returning her pulse to normal. "It was just a dream." 

"Just a dream? That was not just a dream." He lifted his eyes towards the breaking light around her blinds. 

Before she apologize for waking him up there was a knock at the door. They both looked out her bedroom door. 

"Who's that?" He asked finally getting his feet under him. 

She shrugged and crawled out of bed. "I don't know." 

TBC... 


End file.
